I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
