I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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