i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
