Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
