Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
