I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
