hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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