At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize