I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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