Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
