Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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