this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
