i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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