I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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