Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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