rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
