I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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