when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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