Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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