Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
