She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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