Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
