Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
