Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
