I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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