My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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