True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
