$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
