My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
