So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
