Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
