brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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