I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
