the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize