This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize