i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
