Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
