this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
