were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
