all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
