I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
