just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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