i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
