I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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