I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is glitter all over my balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
