I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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