i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
