before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
