paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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