I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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