Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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