sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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