i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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