if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize