My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
