At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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