how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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