so explain again why im purple
no
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
