My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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