I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are we still banned from the library?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
