dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
