My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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