i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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