yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
