yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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