I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
