I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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