Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my poor anus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
