I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
