Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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