fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
