Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
