even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
