She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
high people should be assigned attendants
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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