haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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