Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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