someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
