I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Found your dick twin last night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
