I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
