my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
